Will you be my friend...

I am addicted to the online social network of Facebook. I kid you not...I am addicted, and at the same time intimidated by it. I feel like I am in the midst of a popularity contest, and sometimes I get a little anxious about it. I worry how people will perceive my life, and if they will be comparing that perception to their own lives. I have to admit that I feel like I am in high school all over again. I joined facebook over a year ago when a friend of mine told me I should check out his Facebook page. I had no idea what he was even talking about, but I logged on anyway. He didn't tell me I would have to create a profile in order to see his, but I did. I was a member of Facebook for 8 months and had only 3 friends. I didn't know that I was supposed to look for friends, family, aquaintances, people I wanted to compare my life too, etc, etc...so, I just let it be. I never logged on, and I never really cared. Then one day, I received an email from Facebook letting me know that one of D's cousins wanted to be my friend! Oh, the joy of acceptance! I love D's family, so of course I accepted. This is what began my addiction.

There was the first cousin, then there were all the other cousins the first one was friends with too. Then there was their spouses. Then I thought that perhaps I should see if my cousins were members of the addicting society...some were. I requested to be friends, and they accepted. I found some old friends from high school, college, and various other aspects of my life. I had friends that I hadn't thought about it years. It was all very nostalgic for me. I was feeling very popular as I had gone from 3 to 39 friends in just a few short weeks. Since I had never been popular in my whole life, I was thinking that maybe I hadn't given myself credit. Then my siblings started to join... My sister, Gillette, joined first. She was followed by KM, then Fluff. They all 3 started connecting with friends immediately, and their friend counts were quickly catching mine even though I also continued to add. It was when my older brother, RJ, and his wife, Jonsie, joined that I realized I will never be as popular as I had hoped. They had both been very popular in our high school. They were the kind of people that you would want your kids to be friends with and look up to. They treated (and still do) everyone with respect and kindness. So, it should be no surprise that after 3 days of joining Facebook they each had nearly 50 friends. Granted, I did all the leg work for finding our cousins, which of course they are friends with. Since everyone else in my family was on, I called Agee and made her join immediately. She in turn called my mom and made her join. Yes, my mom is my Facebook friend, and I couldn't be prouder than to call her my friend. One of my cousins gave me credit for recruiting the fam, but I didn't recruit anyone except Agee and D.

D is not addicted to Facebook. He couldn't care less if he was on Facebook. This whole thing has caused me to realize that at 32 years old, I still feel the need for constant reassurance. D is my security blanket. He is the one man that chose to love me, not because he had to, just because he did...and does. I made him join Facebook so that I could have his name listed under mine as my spouse. I know it seems ridiculous, but I think that I am not the only one out there that feels this way. I just maybe one of the few who are willing to admit it. Still, I have a lot of friends...and I am very grateful for each one of them. Even if my brother has more.