Pay attention...

Attentiveness has always been an issue for me.  When I was younger and in trouble, I would actually get myself into more trouble because I couldn't look at my mom when she was talking to me.  If I did try to look at her, I couldn't hear a word she was saying.  It was simply too much focus on one thing, but trying to explain that to a normal person is a difficult fete.  My mom questioned whether or not I had ADD as a child, but since I got good grades no doctor would treat me for it.  After I had struggled through two and half years of college, I did some extensive research on ADD for myself.  Then I went to a doctor and asked him to help me focus.  I was 21 years old, and it had taken me that long to realize that things that I thought were logical weren't to other people.  If a brainstorm picture (where you draw a bubble with the main thought and branch off to sub-thoughts) were a normal brain, mine would look like a mess of bubbles overlapping each other. Thoughts that most people think are not related, are in my mind. Things that take most people 5 to 6 steps to complete, I can usually do in 2.  I never did well in classes where you had to list your steps and you got a point for each one, because even though my final answers were correct, I lost points in the steps.  I was explaining this description of an ADD mind to my friend and her son, who also has ADD, and his face lit up, like he couldn't believe that someone else thinks the same way he does.  When you realize you aren't "normal," it is always comforting to find someone that does understand you.

Usually when I make comments about needing to take my Ritalin, people laugh because ADD is the butt of many jokes, and that is fine because I think it is a funny excuse too. I don't mind, and I am not embarrassed that I take it.  While ADD has a few downfalls, it also has a lot of benefits.  I can type this while watching the evening news, and I will remember both.  I can talk and listen at the same time.  In school, I could doodle, talk to my friends, pass and read notes, and still hear what the teacher was talking about.  I could do my homework in front of the TV.  I can drive better while I am talking on the phone, or talking with other people in the car.  My mind can literally focus on more things than 1 at all times.  I had a friend once question why I would read during church meetings, and he laughed when I told him that it was so I could listen better, but it was the truth.  I have decided that my dentist is trying to test my patience though.  I am what he refers to as an "aggressive brusher," and it shows in my gums.  Because of this, he asked me to get an electronic Sonicare toothbrush.  At first I thought this was a great idea.  That is until I realized that you cannot do anything else while you are brushing your teeth with an electronic toothbrush. Using an electronic toothbrush is a timed event...TWO MINUTES! Two minutes of doing only 1 thing...it is enough to drive me crazy.  I had to make a compromise that my dentist doesn't know about, I only use the Sonicare every other day, because it is too hard for me to give up two minutes every day to focus on one thing and one thing only.  Oh the pressure that I cannot handle.  Especially because I tried to pull the toothbrush out of my mouth once just to spit, and I had to wash my entire bathroom from the splattered spit and toothpaste that had been spun around by my Sonicare wonder brush.  

You would think with all of this multi-tasking ability that I have, I would be able to accomplish numerous tasks each day.  Luckily, I have my patience pills, which is what I call my Ritalin since it gives me the patience to try to figure out the way "normal" people think.  My patience pills help to slow my mind down, that way I don't become too much of an overachiever.  I don't need the pressure of people expecting too much from me...especially not from D.