The best time of all...

My very favorite time of the day is my children's least favorite time of the day...bedtime. I love bedtime! I love the quite of the night. I love the warmth of my bed. I love snuggling up to my husband with his arms around me, at least until I am ready to fall asleep, then it is back to his own side of the bed. I love the break from fighting, whiney, and changing dirty diapers without having to feel guilt of knowing about any of those things happening, and choosing to ignore them. Every night for 6 hours or longer (and I hope each night it will be longer), I get to have time to myself without having to worry about anything but sweet, sweet sleep. However, no matter how much I love bedtime, I am the only one in my house that does.

When bedtime is announced in our house it is followed by the protests, such as:

"My show is almost over."

"I don't have school tomorrow."

"I need to go to the bathroom."
"Uh, my friends are still outside."
"I wanted to sleep at Nana's."
"I need a drink."
"I don't want to."
"No, no, no, no, no." (from Fuss)

I don't know why my boys dislike going to bed so much, because once they are there and have fallen asleep, they always want more time when I tell them to get up. It really doesn't matter if it is going to bed or getting out of it, I think the boys just like to disagree with what I would like them to do. Regardless, they really dislike going to bed...all of them! I know that D doesn't like going to bed because he doesn't like our mattress. He tosses and turns night after night. He blames me because I bought the mattress without him, and he thinks it is too soft. It isn't my fault I chose a mattress that I loved without considering him, because I didn't know D when I bought it. I love my mattress. I love the way it feels underneath me. It is soft and cuddly like a giant pillow...perfect for me. D would like to have a firm, rock hard mattress. One that, no doubtly, would keep me awake, and I feel that it is very important for me to get good sleep. Knowing that my husband is not getting good sleep is not reason enough for me to lose any myself.

Once we finally get all the kids to bed, and then get there ourselves, D loves to cuddle with me (I know "awww", but it is not so "awww" once I tell you why he likes to cuddle with me). Every night as I am preparing for bed I have to place my pillow right in the center of the bed, and that is where my night begins. It is not because I am selfish, and it is not because I am so large that I take up that much room on the bed. It is because my husband does toss and turn throughout the night, and with each toss he moves further and further towards my side of the bed, which by the time morning comes is usually occupied by Fuss also. This can get very crowded. The reason that I start in the middle is because both D and Fuss like to lie near me, and no matter where in the bed I start I will be moved closer and closer to the edge. If I were to start in the middle of my side, I would end up on the floor in the middle of the night. D knows that I cannot sleep when I am feeling claustrophobic, and yet he moves in on my space every night. He starts by cuddling me really close to him, sometimes with his extremities over me to keep me from moving away. He laughs when I tell him, "You know I can't sleep when you are claustrophobitizing me!" And he continues to do it anyway. At least until it is time for his first toss, and he turns away from me. Then begins the night of us both moving to the right, which is my side of the bed.

When it is time for Fuss to go to bed, which is before we do even though the scenarios are out of order (I do not let my 1 year old wander the house while I sleep...even when I want to--like when I need a nap), anyway...when it is time for Fuss to go to bed, we have a ritual to let him know that he will be going to bed shortly. First we go to his room and choose a story. Fuss loves books, so this is his by far his favorite part. After I read him the story, he flips through the pages and tells one to me (I wish I knew what he was saying). After we have read the book twice (once each), we put it down and then we say our evening prayers. This is my favorite part. I love seeing my 15 month old son fold his arms and mumble a "prayer" while listening to me pray also. He does close his prayers with "Men." By the time the prayer is finished, he jumps down from my chair and runs to the hallway. When I tell him to go to his room, he turns to tell me "No, no, no, no" while frantically shaking his head. He starts walking slower, and usually stops in front of his open bedroom door. Then with pleading eyes he looks up at me and whimpers, and then again repeats, "No, no, no, no." When I lift him into his crib, he puts his binki in his mouth, grabs his blanket, and rolls so his back is towards me. I tell him goodnight and that I love him, and I leave the room pulling the door until it is opened only a crack. He used to cry when I left. Now, he only cries when he hears me walk past his bedroom door, not when D does. He only cries for me (oh, the guilt). Somewhere around 4:30 to 5:00 every morning, Fuss awakes and starts to cry. I go get him and put him in bed with D and I, and he falls asleep again. He loves our bed. I love our bed. D does not love our bed. Fuss does not love his bed. Maybe, I should have D sleep in the crib with the firmer mattress while Fuss sleeps with me, and he takes up way less space on my side of the bed.