Time for a change...

Everyday I get the privilege of smelling an unpleasant smell coming from my little Fuss, and every time I smell it I ask Fuss if he wants me to "change his bum?" And as I hear myself repeat this question,  I frequently think to myself, "he doesn't need a new bum, I do!"  In all truthfulness and actuality I do want to change my bum in for a new one.  I would like one that is way more firm than the one that I currently have.  I would like it to be rounded with some definition--one that does not run directly into my thighs making one wonder where the bum ends and the legs begin.  I would also like it to be at least 2 sizes smaller than the one I currently own...I would really like it to be 5 sizes smaller, but that would require me to also change my hips, thighs, and stomach in as well, which would lead to the necessity to change my chin (or at least get rid of a couple of them) and my arms...this would be a very big amount of changing, and I really would be willing.  

Yesterday, I took Fuss to the doctor's office for his 15 month check-up.  Upon measuring and weighing my son, it was discovered that although he had grown 2 inches he had lost 1 pound.  As I spoke these facts aloud, the nurse replied that "he walks now and that is why he lost the weight."  Well, I have been walking for years and I still have a bum that needs to be changed for another (I don't want anyone thinking that I have done something in my pants).  I actually thought about lying in bed for the next 12 months and having someone carry me around everywhere I go, and then start walking again to see if the weight comes off, but upon thinking about it I see some serious flaws with this plan.  The first being that who would carry me?  There are very few people that could stand carrying my weight, and even fewer that would be willing.  Another would be how much weight might I gain while doing nothing at all for 12 months.  Too many flaws indeed; therefore I will have to go back to wishing for the magic melt away pills or cream.