Don't question the question...

D complains that I ask too many questions about whatever it is he tells me, does, etc. I would disagree with him except that my mom used to tell me the same thing. I actually asked so many questions as a child that my mom once told me that she had a teacher that said there was no such thing as a stupid question, and she wanted that teacher to meet me so that my mom could prove him wrong. D thinks I ask questions because I doubt his ability or judgement. It isn't because I doubt his ability, his judgement sometimes, but never his ability. (It is a good thing he knows that I am joking with that--in case he ever reads it.) I am just a naturally curious person. I learned at a very young age that my brain processes things differently than what the "normal" person would process in a variety of different circumstances. As such, I ask questions to make sure that I am on the same page as everybody else...this is evidently annoying. Well, I do have something to say to that...too bad! I am still going to ask questions. It is impossible for me to stop now! I thought that maybe it was me and only me that had this problem until I was talking with D's aunt and uncle. It seems that they also have a daughter that finds entertainment and security in asking questions. For her parents, annoying. For me, relief that I am not the only one! Sometimes I wish my children would ask more questions. Perhaps, "Why shouldn't I put marbles in my mouth or my binki in the toilet?" would be a good place for us to start. If they were to ask I would give them very good reasons, and yet they don't and I find myself asking, "why would you do such a thing?" regularly.

What D and my mom don't understand is that I ask myself questions quite frequently too. The questions I ask myself are things like:
"Why did I come in the kitchen again?"
"Do I really need this Pepsi, or do I just want it?"
"What will happen if I just hit snooze...7 more times?"
"If I make this for dinner, how many complaints will I get?"
"When was the last time these pants were washed?"
"Did I brush my teeth today, or was that yesterday?"
"How many weeks have I been wearing the same contacts?"
"Is it worth the fight?"

I question my life all the time! What would life be like if we all just took things at face value and never tried to understand another's point of view? I think that I would be holed up in my house somewhere afraid to face the unknown...sad, but true. I don't do well with the unknown, which is why me and the future have a big problem. I have questions for the future everyday. If I ever got to talk to the future I would ask if I will ever be successful at getting skinny again, if I have more children, and if I do will I be living at home or in the asylum, will I win the lottery, and will D and I ever get to take a trip that consists of just the 2 of us? I think that these are totally fair questions, especially considering they will never be answered in the present.

The group of questions that I do ask D that I could see might be taken as annoying, are questions that begin with "What if..." Even I can recognize the "who cares" answer to that question, because things are what they are and you can't go back to change it. Still, as the second wife I think I am entitled to ask questions like, "What if D had met me before Lucy, would he have married me instead of her?" and "Where was I that year that this didn't happen?" or "What if I wouldn't have agreed to go out with D just because he already had 3 kids (which honestly scared me a little)?" Although things can't be changed, I admit that sometimes I question where my life would be "if." I don't really know that there is anything wrong with that.

I do have end by saying that I love my life, for the most part, most of the time. I wouldn't give up the challenge and the love that comes with being a parent, and even more with being a step-parent. Even if I question my ability at times. I wouldn't give up the home and the neighbors that I love. Although, I will give up the chance to clean the home I love...if anyone wants to volunteer. I wouldn't give up being a part of a huge family. Although, the attention from being an only child might be exciting to try out. I wouldn't give up the challenges that have made me who I am, even though I question if there could have been an easier way. D should also know that the one thing I would never question, is when I answered the most important question and said, "I do!"