Friday, July 25, 2008

We are family...

When I was young a family reunion consisted of 1 afternoon of just a few hours in which my mom made sure that we had on matching, attractive clothing (usually new-ish), our hair was neatly combed, and we were on our best behavior for the hours that we were at the reunion.  In my dad's family a reunion consisted of a picnic at the park where each family brought their own lunch and sat at their own table, and then we went at played at the playground with our own cousins.  The only thing that made it a reunion was that my parents and grandparents spoke with the other people who were eating their own lunches at their own tables in the same pavilion we were eating in.  Their children would play at the same playground my immediate family was playing at, but we rarely spoke to them.  It was all about impression.  We went to appease my grandma, who loved a good reunion, and I am still not sure what constitutes a "good" reunion.
With my mom's family, we rarely had a true reunion (maybe we didn't like each other, I don't know).  We did have 1 annual family party that was held at my grandpa's sister's house every year on the 24th of July.  Even though it wasn't technically a "reunion," my mom held us to the same expectations as a regular reunion.  We were to talk only to our immediate cousins, just kidding.  This yearly party was a barbecue/pool party.  As children, we loved this party.  Our great aunt had a built in swimming pool in her backyard, which made her by far the coolest aunt we had (no offense to other aunts--we were kids).  Even though we were driving nearly an hour to her house in our station wagon to swim, my mom made us put on very cute clothes and would make sure that all the girls' hair was curled.  Yes, my mom curled 4 girls long hair in order to take us swimming...if that is not about making a good impression I don't really know what is.  

Today, the family reunion as I know it has changed.  It is, in my current situation,  no longer just 1 afternoon of trying to make a good impression, it is now 4 to 5 days of nonstop togetherness--and with a husband and 4 children, it is hard to keep up appearances for that long.  I am truly amazed that extended family can still love each other following events like these.  Having just returned from a wonderfully fun family reunion, I can honestly say from experience that it is impossible for me to be on my best behavior for 5 days--let alone hold my children to the same expectation.  I don't know how anyone can be expected to chase 4 children around for 5 days while her husband socializes and maintain a respectful demeanor (for the most part), and still keep up the appearance of a perfectly sane woman.  After recently reviewing some photos of this time period, I can also safely say that I did not keep up the best appearances and impressions were not all that mattered.  

Perhaps that is the purpose of the extended family reunion, to show your entire extended family the typical dysfunction that exists in your immediate one in an attempt to help the others feel better about their own family functionality.  If this is the case, we have truly been successful.  The first day of the reunion actually went pretty well...we were all still in best behavior mode.  It was the following days that I try to block out periods (hours) of time.  Whether we were breaking up fights, or fighting ourselves, D and I were going from sun-up to sun-down.  At one point I think I actually gave up for a minute...luckily Fuss needed a nap and it was best if I laid down with him.  There was chasing down the boys to make sure that they had on bike helmets or lifejackets, sunscreen and bug spray, matching clothes, hair combed, had eaten something healthy over the course of the day, that they knew where the "things" that they had brought with us were (this could include Nintendo DS, worn clothing, shoes--always looking for shoes, toothbrushes, etc).  It is hard to keep Fuss in control at our house, and I know where everything is that he can get in to here (at least I try to).  At someone else's place it is a battle to make sure that their items are not destroyed, misplaced, or somehow otherwise abused.  Needless to say this constant chasing does not constitute a good impression of myself.  And what did I learn from this experience? That it is because of extended family that we survive.  When we couldn't find Olie, Nana found him in the loft.  When I couldn't find my flip flops, D's grandpa recovered them from their hiding place under his bed.  When I allowed the wave runner to drift too close to the shore, D's uncle pushed me out.  When Skater and his cousin rowed the canoe around the bend and out of site, D's aunt flew on the wave runner to rescue (and scold) them.  Without the help of so many people, we truly may not have survived...and in the end, impressions didn't matter...at least I am pretending that they don't...for now.

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