Perfect understanding...

It has recently come to my perfect understanding, that to perfectly understand is completely relative to the situation, especially for children. Fuss thinks that he is older than he is. His perfect understanding is to do whatever it is everyone else is doing in the same manner that they are doing it. For a child of 13 months, as you know, this is not capable of being done. For months now he has refused to eat unless he has a spoon (or preferably a fork) in his hand, even if he doesn't use it. He prefers to drink his drinks straight from the bottle or the can that they are purchased in, but doesn't want to drink them in his highchair--he wants to drink them on the couch in front of the TV like daddy. I recently poured a soda into a sippy cup for him and he threw a fit! He threw the cup on the floor and cried while reaching for the can, back arched, arms eventually thrown to his sides, head drooping, eyes squinted, crying, the whole of what a "fit" is. Knowing my child like I do, I picked up the sippy and started drinking. It's true, I drank from a sippy...and it is harder than you might think. It is actually like trying to drink out of the tiniest little straw you could find with the expectation of getting the liquid consumption of a large fast food straw. No wonder the kid doesn't like it. Anyway, as I started to walk away with the sippy in my hands, Fuss came to the realization that it was okay to have a cup instead of the can. This was also in conjunction with me throwing the can away. Due to my child's perfect understanding of independence, I have also allowed him to feed himself completely. I no longer participate in feeding even the messiest of foods. Fuss has also shown me that to fully appreciate food you must wear at least part of it. The more food that you have on your face, the bigger the smile you give to those that gave you the food. My perfect understanding is that children should eat naked.

By the time a child reaches another age (and I am not really sure which age it is) their perfect understanding is that if you do not explain every possible scenario in stated expectations or requirements, then the unstated scenarios are null and void. To explain: Last week I took the boys to the zoo with a play group from our church. When the older boys arrived from their mom's on Sunday night, I told them about the zoo trip that would take place on Thursday. I also told them that I would give each of them $10 to spend at the zoo. However, the $10 was a starting amount. I gave them an outline of ways in which this money could be revoked in $.50 increments. If they were to fight with each other, including yelling, kicking, hitting (with hands or other objects) they would lose money. If they were to back talk, roll their eyes, ignore, or sigh in annoyance to either me or their dad, they would lose $.50. If they did not pick up their toys after use, put their dirty clothes in the hamper, brush their teeth daily, or go to bed when told they would lose $.50. The list also included complaining about what was made for meals (I thought we would deduct large amounts for this since someone is always unhappy about what my cafe's daily specials are...but I was pleasantly surprised). Anyhow, by Wednesday night we were doing better than expected; Olie had $6.50, Skater had $6.50, and Moo had $6.00--for 3 boys in 3 days, not too bad.

On Wednesday the boys had their cousins over to play. D would be watching our 4 and his sister's 3 while we went to get mani-pedi's for his brother's upcoming wedding (great tradition by the way). To ease D's stress, I made dinner before I left (mostly due to the movie incidence, I wanted to make sure that real food was served). As I was calling the boys to dinner, Olie, Skater, and cousin Sporty (it is getting hard to make up fake names) came immediately. Fuss was in the highchair, so I was missing only 2 (the youngest cousin hadn't arrived yet). I yelled and yelled, but they didn't come. I opened the front door and yelled again...nothing. I went out to the garage...no one. I went up to the family room...empty. I hustled to the backdoor...just the dog out there. I ran to the basement stairs, yelling the whole time for the 2 that were missing. My heart was pounding, harder with every empty response. I was in true panic mode when I saw something move under Moo's bed. It was Charmer's (the 5 year old cousin) foot. In my most stern voice I told them to get out from under there and get up to dinner immediately. I told them that they were never to do that again. I expressed to them that they had given me "a heart attack!" Upon arrival to the kitchen, I told Moo that he had just lost $.50 for his little stunt. He protested with, "But you never said anything about heart attacks." Perfect understanding...

I have also come to understand that to get the results that you want you can't describe what you may think are very clear instructions, a child will never have a perfect understanding of that. "Put the clothes on your floor away" can mean to throw everything in the hamper, even if the pile was recently washed. The clothes are away. Instructions followed...NOT! That 1 sentence must be dragged out to: "Pick up each individual item of clothing on the floor of your bedroom and on your bed. As you pick each item up, you must determine whether that item has been worn since it was last washed. If it has been worn, then place that item in the hamper (that is the basket looking thing in the corner of your room that you see me occasionally pick up when it is full, and return to your room empty). If it has not, in fact, been worn then you must neatly fold or hang the item and place in it's appropriate, pre-assigned place. Those places include drawers, hangers in the closet and on the rod, or the bag from your mom's house. If it is an item that you brought from your mom's house, place it in that bag. If it is an item that you received from our house, either for your birthday, Christmas, Easter, or just because I love you, place it in the closet or your drawers--neatly folded or hung. The area underneath the bed is considered part of your bedroom floor and the same expectations apply to clothes that are there. The floor of your closet is also considered the floor of your room and no clothes belong there." Perfect Understanding! One can only hope...