I'm a bad mom...or so I've been told...

It is very not like me to let others judgements hit so close to home and even less likely to discuss it outside of my close circle of friends and family, because let's face it I would discuss, but today I'm turning a new leaf, after all it's been bothering me for over a year.  I actually want to thank those who have been standing in judgement for  adamantly pointing out my downfalls as a parent.  For showing me the light of your wisdom and helping me to rethink and possibly even redirect my entire parenting methods.  I have been so blind and so ridiculously naive.  I'm so grateful to the moms that have a full understanding of everything my children are taught and how my household runs, or doesn't as I have recently learned (and by recently I mean at Christmas time for the last two years).  Even though they are strangers, they know me so well....or so they come across in their own blogs....  You see we have...wait for it (and feel free to gasp) an Elf on the Shelf!!!

It so crazy that I unknowingly let my house be run by fictional characters.  It's my parents' fault really.  They told me about Santa Clause when I was young (another gasp)!  I believed.  Oh, how I believed that this jolly man loved all the children so much that he wanted to see them be good and he rewarded them with presents.  In our house there were not a lot of presents, after all there were six kids, but I used to see my parents smile at the pure joy on all six of our faces on Christmas morning.  I remember them pulling out the camera to take a picture of us with this man who we anticipated seeing and prepared lists for and who we really loved.  We tried extra hard to be good because we knew he was always watching.  I couldn't see him all the time reminding me that I needed to be good, but I promise I heard the phrase "Santa's watching" more than one time in my life and from more people than just my messed up, horrible parents who had taught me about him in the first place!  Crazy thing is, knowing he was "watching" didn't creep me out at all!  I was so naive even as a child!  For all I knew there was some strange man looking through our windows or that had a magic ball and could spy on me any time.  Way less creepy concept than a toy elf sitting in your house as a physical reminder...

Before those of you anti-elf folks just write me off as someone with a grudge, take into account that I have read your blogs...all the way through, feeling as reprimanded as any parent who is just trying to do what is best for their own family shouldn't ever have to feel.  Keep reading if you will...

My parents were and are wonderful parents!  I just want to get that out right off the bat.  Yes, we believed in Santa as children.  I have one kid that still does, three that have outgrown it, and one that is too little to know anything about it (she hasn't even had a Christmas yet), but she will know all about him and his little helper elves.  Elves (as we know in our house) have many special jobs.  Some help make toys.  Some help watch out and remind those that get a little too excited that they might forget their manners.  Others look out for those who are not as blessed with worldly items by finding people who have a little extra to give.  These jobs are year-round jobs and are all very important!  Sometimes we even get to be helper elves ourselves!  We try to make this a yearlong effort too.  My children, who are apparently being raised by an elf, are not the misbehaved horrible people that those who are anti-elf seem to believe.  My six-year-old is the kind of kid that will trade a new toy with his cousin because he got the one his cousin wanted and it was more important that someone else was happy than he have the coveted toy.  I'm sure now there are going to be comments about coveting and how I promote that, but keep your panties on because it wasn't like that.  Our 16-year-old is the kind of kid who will set aside his own activities to help his younger brother with homework, or piano lessons, or to play a game with him. Our kids are the kind who have nearly (and sometimes all) straight A's...in advanced classes.  Our kids are the kind that will spend a Saturday shopping with their grandmother or raking leaves for their great grandparents.  Our kids are the type that will stop and help an elderly neighbor carry in her groceries. We are a family who believes that if we can help, we should. At this point, I am flabbergasted that others accept our help knowingly (and sometimes unknowingly).  I bet if they knew we had an elf in our house they would shun our friendship and run away to a non-elf family!  It's actually amazing that our children try to do this despite the elf that visits our house for 3-1/2 weeks.  I mean, after all that must be the only parenting they get, since I'm the type of mom who has an elf....

One of my favorite anti-elf arguments is that why would a busy mom do that to herself.  I am a busy mom. I work a full-time job and I parent (or thought I did) full time.  In my current situation, it is not feasible for me to be a stay-at-home, non-working mother.  I wish it was!  I wish I could dedicate my every waking moment to snuggling up my children.  To reading to them, to tickling and hearing their delighted laughter, to hang on to and cherish their every hope and dream, but I can't.  It is physically impossible and for those wise mothers that do, please know I hold you in the highest regard!  I am jealous of your chauffeur and housekeeper as well...

Just because I can't do that it doesn't mean I think the moments will last forever.  I know they are moving away from me too quickly.  I know there will be a day that I long to have one more moment of holding them on my lap, but I also know that to provide for them physically I have responsibilities.  I am one of those fortunate enough to be able to work from home.  I am lucky enough to be able to create a work schedule that works around school schedules, nap times,  and that my employers are flexible enough for me to attend every recital, doctor's appointment, school parade, etc.  There are mom's that are not that lucky.  They are still good moms who understand what time is...trust me, it doesn't get past them, and it has nothing to do with whether or not they have an elf....the elves don't come with watches....

Anyway, I'm busy.  My days start at 4:00 in the morning (really 3:46 is when my alarm goes off).  It's the sacrifice I choose to make for my kids.  So, if I am such a busy mom, why would I choose to have an elf in my house.  Why do some moms scrapbook, or sew, or bake, or paint, or draw, or write, or clean, or attend any activity that will take time away from their children?! It's because we have lives and responsibilities and hobbies.  By me attending meetings for church, school, scouts, whatever, I am away from my kids, but I don't love them less!  But there seem to be a few that think if I want to spend five minutes after they are asleep moving an elf to a new, possibly mischievous, place in my house, I do love them less?

I love my children with all that I have!!!!!  I love to see their smiling faces as they participate in our elf's adventures.  I love to watch my Fuss eagerly search for Patrick's (our elf) hiding place.  It's the best game of hide-n-seek because it lasts 25 days!!  I love that my son gets to play his favorite game for 25 days in a row!!  I love that Olie gets involved by trying to figure out where Patrick should be and what place will make his brother the most excited to find him.  I love that on the rare occasion Patrick does cause mischief (our elf has been pretty well behaved) Fuss has gently scolded him and told him that is not how to behave as he cleans up the mess.  I love to see happiness in my children's faces!  I know how quickly time will pass and the magic of make believe passes with it, which is why I embrace the sparkle of that magic in their eyes.  If that makes me a bad mom, so be it...I can take being a bad mom.

So there you have it, I have bought into the commercialism of the elf (actually, my mother-in-law did, but she is one of those horrible parents who let their children believe too...one of the reasons I love her so much!)  This may shock many anti-elf moms, but we do celebrate the birth of our Savior on Christmas as well.  Yep, even in an elf house we have the Bible.  We read the Christmas story.  We set up our nativity scene.  We visit Temple Square and see the beautiful lights!  We go to church and we talk about Jesus Christ, but then again we do that all year round. 

I guess I just have to live with being a bad mom, but if helping my children have a memorable childhood full of games and make believe is what it takes, I'll be the worst mom out there.  Problem is, I believe that if you are doing the best you can for your children, you are the best mom there is, elf or not...