Getting started...

Okay, so...I love to write, but don't always love people to read what I write, but I am going to just put it out there--all my opinions, thoughts, emotions, whatever...so, here goes nothing (well, hopefully it will be something--but you know what I mean).  My biggest fear in writing on the web is offending someone. What if someone thinks that I am one way, and really I am totally different. Or what if I say something totally innocent and it is taken the wrong way? It kinda freaks me out a little bit.  I don't want to hold back, but at the same time...  I guess I am just going to have to give up on trying to stay in my bubble of hoping everyone is happy.

So, allow me to introduce myself and my boys.  I am currently 32 years old.  I still cannot believe that I have been in my 30's for 2 years, 5 months, and 15 days...I am way too young. Why do I feel like I am still 23?  I was lying on the bed this afternoon with my baby, Fuss (not his real name if anyone is questioning it) and as he smiled at me I couldn't help but to wonder if he was thinking, "wow, she is really old...Are we sure she is my mom?" When I think about it seriously, I am going to be 49 years old when he graduates from high school.  FORTY-NINE!  That is way into my middle age years...'cause I don't really plan on waiting 'til I'm 100 to die.

I blame my husband anyway; not for my age, but because I was so old when I became a mother.  If he wouldn't have married his first wife, and then spent 7 years with her, I may have been able to meet him earlier and get married before I was 29, and then could have had a baby before I was 31.  But what is done is done and I truly am happy.

Like I said, I met D, my honey, when I was 29. We were set up on a blind date (we are proof they can work out). We were married 5 months and 9 days later!  When I married D it wasn't because I just fell in love with him, but I also fell in love with his 3 boys...Olie, Skater, and Moo.  I love being a step-mom, but it is a very complicated role. You can never take the place of their mom, which I wouldn't want to do and they still have a mom, but you try to be the mom when they are with you, but you aren't really the mom, and once you have your own kids then to some people in the house you are the mom, so you are the mom, just not to them (the step-kids)...Like I said, it is complicated, and more or less confusing for all of us. We are dealing with it and it is getting easier (sometimes), after nearly 3 years it better be.