Showered...maybe tomorrow I will put on some makeup...

Why is it that men can get a way with looking however they want, at least to an extent.  I woke up this morning and showered (yea for everyone), pulled my hair into a ponytail (which at shorter than shoulder length, is hard to do), applied 2 barettes and 3 bobby pins in just the right places to keep all of my hair neatly slicked back, cleaned and toned my face (and by toned, I mean used toner--no exercising was involved), put on clean underwear (again, yea for everyone), a clean pair of sweats, and even a clean over-sized T-shirt, and came into my office. This process, since I did also brush my teeth, still took at least 30 minutes...shaving time included. My husband showered, brushed his teeth, put on clean jeans, a collared shirt, and left for work all in a matter of 10 minutes, and he looks good, where as I...not so much.

My hubby has a belly, don't tell him, but he does, and it is my fault since he didn't have it before we were married. I too have a belly, which I did have a little of before we were married, but now it is much larger.  Him having a belly isn't really a big deal. Me having a belly is a BIG deal...granted mine is bigger, but I did have a baby...and contrary to appearances, he is not still in there. 

There was a day when I wasn't overweight, and I do really mean just 1 day. No matter what I do, I gain weight. I started walking for exercise faithfully about 4 weeks ago. I chose walking mostly because it would be an embarrasement to the human race if I were to run. Before I got married I used to go to the gym for 2 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week.  Now, all I do is think about working out and I am exhausted.  I do think about it for about 10 hours a day, 7 days a week though. 

Back to my point, what was it...oh yeah, I started walking about 3 1/2 miles per day at approximately 12-15 minutes per mile thinking that I would lose some of the baby fat I have lovingly held onto since I was a baby. Now, 4 weeks later, I have proudly GAINED 10 pounds! That is right gained 10 freaking pounds. I like to complain about it, because I really want people to know that I put an effort into something, even if looks are deceiving.  When you complain about something, people always try to cheer you up, even if inside they hate you for complaining.

All the "cheerer uppers" keep telling me, "it must be muscle, muscle weighs more than fat." Really? Does muscle weigh more than fat, cause I think 1 pound of fat weighs 1 pound and 1 pound of muscle weighs 1 pound.  If you really want to cheer me up, you could buy me a new shirt and sew a tag in the collar that verifies that it is a size, well even an XL would make me feel better at this point.  Am I really that illogical of a thinker? I know that a pound weighs a pound. And I am not really sure, but I have felt the ring around my belly, and it does not feel anything like when you push on flexed biceps, not at all!  It is actually more like pushing on an old, partially deflated balloon, or a loaf of bread, or even a roll of cookie dough, but there is no incredible hulk in there.  I don't just have a spare tire, I have a stack of them...who needs AAA, if my car gets a flat, I could roll myself home on my midsection.  I still don't understand how you (and by you I mean me) could get pregnant, gain 60 lbs (yes, I know 60 is twice what they "recommend" you gain--we'll get into who "they" are another day), have a baby that weighs almost 7 lbs, and lose 300 gallons of fluid and still only lose 6 pounds.  It is as messed up as walking at the crack of the roosters crow everyday and gaining 10 lbs.  I think my body has a conspiracy against me.

Anyway, to attempt to rid myself of the initial 54 and now the 10 pound weight gain, I started doing the Weight Watchers program, and I am happy to say that after 2 weeks of Weight Watchers (cause I don't want to diet, I want to start living) I am now only 4 pounds above my pre-walking weight--which to recap is still 58 pounds above my pre-baby weight.  Seriously though, I did look at a mini candybar today, so I am a little afraid of weighing in on Monday...I'll let you know how it goes.

Will I ever get a shower?

So, my husband rented a "bobcat" today for our backyard. When he first told me he was renting a "bobcat" I wondered how this vicious animal would get along with our dog, but it wasn't the exciting large cat I was looking forward to. Instead it was a boring machine that would tear up my backyard (which is fine 'cause it is just dirt and weeds, and mice, and snakes, and a lot of stuff I don't want). It is also the large boring machine that would put a dent/hole in the siding on the corner of my house, and take a chip out of the RV parking driveway (that we paid way too much for).

My husband has been out in the backyard for nearly 12 hours now (not subtracting the 1 1/2 hours he spent inside complaining about the rain that was making his job harder--I'm still giving him credit for a full days work). For this project, he wisely recruited his dad, his 80-something year old grandpa, and my brother-in-law. My sister was at work, so her kids (ages 3 and 4 months) came to the party with their dad...not that they were much help in the backyard.

The big, strong men had a chore to do, and they are bound and determined to get it all done (good luck to them). I do have to give them credit, a lot has been accomplished out there. They successfully cleared the area where the fence will be built next week. They killed at least 15 mice and 1 snake! (I know...YUCK!) They were also successful in getting glares from the neighbors behind us who evidentially do not want our loud "bobcat" disturbing their annoying rooster.

Which reminds me, is it even legal to have a rooster in your backyard? And if your neighbors do happen to have a rooster, is it legal to allow your large, bird-hunting dog to jump their retaining wall and claim his treasure? Just wondering...in case anyone has an answer.

At this point, after 3 changes of gloves, 2 towels exchanges to block the rain, 2 sweatshirt requests, and 4 runs to the dump, I can hear the hum and beeping of the "bobcat" in our next door neighbor's backyard (we like them, they have no random farm animals waking us at 4 AM and every 20 minutes for the rest of the entire day!). It does appear that D will be able to accomplish most of what he set out to do today.

I had my own list of ambitious ideas I wanted to accomplish today... I did 1 of them. Part of the reason for this was that my 1 year old has now discovered that if he says "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" enough, I will answer. However, at this point of the day, I am sitting in my recliner and he is desperately pulling on the sleeve of my shirt like he is going to drown in the sea of goldfish crackers he has dumped all over the floor, if I don't pick him up immediately. I know that there will be a day that he won't want me to hold him all the time, and at that point I will want him to want me to...but, that is just not this moment.

So my list:

1. Wake up at 5 AM

2. Go for a walk (for exercise, although at times it is more of a leisurely scenic type pace). I got my walking friend all lined up, set my alarm, and went to bed. I woke up at 3 AM (not on my list) because Fuss, who I am thinking has an ear infection, woke up crying from his crib. Being the good mother I am, I picked him up and brought him to mommy and daddy's bed (should never be on the list). I sort of fell back asleepish, and waited for my alarm to go off. My body woke me up at 5:49 AM, the time that I usually get up. When I woke up I kind of freaked out because my alarm wasn't going off, or at least I thought it wasn't. When I looked on the floor at the side of my bed, there was my cell phone/alarm bouncing around, on vibrate mode, as it had been for the last 49 minutes. D woke long enough to ask if I was going walking--right I just slept 49 minutes past my alarm, so now I will have to load the stroller and wake the baby who has been kicking me in the chest for the last 2 hours and go walking? I don't think so.

Number 1 and 2 on my list...cancelled.

3. My next great ambition was to work on the text for my part time job and get the information to the client.

Number 3--accomplished (but what should have taken 1 hour, took 3).

4. Work on the medical transcription course that I am taking online, complete at least 15 dictations.

Number 4 on my list---30% completed.

5. Clean up my house--failed.

6. Read to my baby---the day isn't over yet, but the future is not looking bright on this one either. Yes, I know, I could be doing that right now. However, I did stop typing to rescue him for a few minutes from his sea of crackers. And while he is content entertaining himself, that really isn't something that I want to interrupt.

Now, the reason that I didn't accomplish all that I wanted to, because I am a mom, a wife, an aunt, and a friend, and that is all more important than my list.

My cousin lives with us right now, until she gets married in July (so, I guess technically I am not "the only girl" in the house at this point in time). So I asked Didda if she would be willing to watch my 2 nephews and Fuss for the day so that I could work on my list. She gladly accepted We were so naive--3 boys against 1 girl, not a chance. The biggest problem is that Fuss is not real used to sharing, not his toys, not his house, not his Didda, not his mommy, at least not for more than an hour and never all of that all at once.

I did actually start the day (at around 7:00 a.m.) trying to make up time on my task list...that lasted all of about the 2 hours before Fuss had to share. The was crying over the ride-on fire truck, the piano, the broken cell phone, the sippy cups, the blankies, you name it! There was one point that I thought things were just too quiet. I jumped up in a panic and walked in to see Didda sitting on the floor with my laptop, holding my 4 month old nephew's bottle for him while he lay on a blanket on the ground next to her. Her left hand strategically placed on Fuss' stomach, for his own personal sense of security, while he drank from his sippy lying on the ground at her other side. All while my nearly 3-year-old nephew attempted to use the elliptical machine (and why shouldn't he, I mean someone really should use it). Didda actually did better than I could have. The biggest interruption of the day was when no one would take a nap, except for me, I really would have--but you can't have sleeping adults with wide-eyed children and feel good about it later.

In addition to helping with the boys every once in a while, I had to go get lunch for the backyard crew, help my neighbor edit some work papers, fix mac-n-cheese for the little ones, fold a batch of towels out of the dryer, wash the comforter that Fuss peed on, be social in the neighborhood (which is really a sight since I look homeless today), eat dinner with our neighbor friends, be social again, rock Fuss to sleep, and finishing typing this...No where in there did I shower, comb my hair, or change out of the oversized T-shirt and sweats that I slept in last night--nor will I do any of that before tomorrow morning. I know, my hubby is so lucky! :)

Now D has crashed in the bed, sunburned and stiff and I sit, in my own filth on my chair, typing. I really am not a hygiene deficient person, just a mildly lazy...no just a busy woman. Someday I would like to figure out how to fit everything that needs to be done into one day in more than just a list.

Getting started...

Okay, so...I love to write, but don't always love people to read what I write, but I am going to just put it out there--all my opinions, thoughts, emotions, whatever...so, here goes nothing (well, hopefully it will be something--but you know what I mean).  My biggest fear in writing on the web is offending someone. What if someone thinks that I am one way, and really I am totally different. Or what if I say something totally innocent and it is taken the wrong way? It kinda freaks me out a little bit.  I don't want to hold back, but at the same time...  I guess I am just going to have to give up on trying to stay in my bubble of hoping everyone is happy.

So, allow me to introduce myself and my boys.  I am currently 32 years old.  I still cannot believe that I have been in my 30's for 2 years, 5 months, and 15 days...I am way too young. Why do I feel like I am still 23?  I was lying on the bed this afternoon with my baby, Fuss (not his real name if anyone is questioning it) and as he smiled at me I couldn't help but to wonder if he was thinking, "wow, she is really old...Are we sure she is my mom?" When I think about it seriously, I am going to be 49 years old when he graduates from high school.  FORTY-NINE!  That is way into my middle age years...'cause I don't really plan on waiting 'til I'm 100 to die.

I blame my husband anyway; not for my age, but because I was so old when I became a mother.  If he wouldn't have married his first wife, and then spent 7 years with her, I may have been able to meet him earlier and get married before I was 29, and then could have had a baby before I was 31.  But what is done is done and I truly am happy.

Like I said, I met D, my honey, when I was 29. We were set up on a blind date (we are proof they can work out). We were married 5 months and 9 days later!  When I married D it wasn't because I just fell in love with him, but I also fell in love with his 3 boys...Olie, Skater, and Moo.  I love being a step-mom, but it is a very complicated role. You can never take the place of their mom, which I wouldn't want to do and they still have a mom, but you try to be the mom when they are with you, but you aren't really the mom, and once you have your own kids then to some people in the house you are the mom, so you are the mom, just not to them (the step-kids)...Like I said, it is complicated, and more or less confusing for all of us. We are dealing with it and it is getting easier (sometimes), after nearly 3 years it better be.