Walking contradiction...

I am turning 33 this week (Thursday to be exact), and in considering the fact that I am getting older, I decided to reflect a bit. As I have reflected, I have seen myself as a walking contradiction. I know that it sounds a bit crazy, but when I explain I think you may agree with me. For starters, I have an honest and true desire to get back to my pre-wedding weight. Yet, I don't have the desire to work out for hours each day like I did when I was at my pre-wedding weight. When I get upset, I have a horrible tendency to eat. Yet, after I have eaten away my depression I feel even more upset. I love having a clean house, but I don't love cleaning it. Actually, I don't mind straightening, but I absolutely hate doing the details, like washing the walls and baseboards, mopping the tile, cleaning the toilets and tubs and shower, vacuuming, folding the laundry...the details. 

The thing that really got me thinking about this was last Friday. Fuss had been eating some mini Oreos that I had purchased for him in one of those little "to go" containers (like a normal package can't "go" with you anywhere), and I decided that I wished I had some Oreos too. So, later that afternoon when we went to the store, I bought some Double Stuffs (because if you are going to have Oreos there is no point in eating the single stuffed cookies). Once we returned home, I started cooking dinner. And as our frozen pizza was warming up in the oven, I opened my Double Stuffs as an appetizer, poured myself a glass of milk, and started to enjoy....and think. I wondered if it was an oxymoron for me to be dunking my beautifully delicious Double Stuff Oreo cookies into skim milk? On Sunday, as I was making dessert for my family, I pulled out a can of sweet and condensed milk to make some hot fudge (the best hot fudge you'll ever have)! As I poured the chocolate into the hot fudge, I wondered how many calories I was actually saving them by using light margarine and fat free sweet and condensed milk. I figured that it was worth the effort, but then I used a spoon to eat some of the extra hot fudge by itself later...not really saving the calories then. 

So, I have decided that my desires don't outweigh my actions. My mind contradicts my body. And I am in the middle of a two-way battle with myself, that either way I will lose...